God's Little Tree Hugger

It’s amazing, how to describe what isn’t seen. My sister, as she’s known, Nessa and one of my dear friends, Cale, were discussing today how man is so keen on categorizing and naming things. It’s true that in the Garden of Eden, the Lord told Adam to go out and name everything there. I think that’s why it is so engrained in our nature. This need to describe, to discern. Precious things. It causes expansion at times, real creative flow.

I was reading through a journal I kept during one of the hardest times of my life, last fall after my boyfriend at the time had tragically been estranged from me. At the time, I did not at all, know the Lord how I do now, and yet I see the deep desire to describe, to understand.

From my personal journal:

“You are all I need, you’re all I need. I’m in the middle of your picture, lying in the leaves. I am a moth, who just wants to share your light.” - adaptation of Radiohead’s lyrics from ‘All I need’.

Now, through Steven’s own window [in a letter he had sent me that was in the mail at the time], will I see him again? I feel unprotected. I feel unprepared. Vulnerable. Emotions are powerful, anazing synthese of being, like the most complicated melodies, like the simplest manifestation of story. Emotion is creative creation. It is the formation of dream while the dreamer is sleeping.”

Reading back on that, and knowing what I know now about grief, emotions, despair, and where true peace and comfort come from, I see the state of disrepair I was in without having the grounding that I have now in Christ. Truly, He was there with me through all of those things, yet I couldn’t see Him. So I felt unprotected, unprepared, vulnerable in the worst way and not the best. I was living from my emotions - without them, I thought I was close to being dead, but with them, it was almost too much to handle - the formation of dream while the dreamer is sleeping. I was sleeping when I couldn’t feel, and I couldn’t seem to wake up - ever. Until Jesus.

When Steven died this summer, I did not have that same reaction. God had woken me up nearly 5 months earlier, and in the comfort of His Holy Spirit, I was able to survive that onslaught of emotion and impression - some natural, some an attack on the spirit. But I realized tonight, rereading that passage, that that sadness I felt at Steven’s death was a sadness that only the God of the Heavens could touch and deal with. Not I, not my family, not my friends… no one else could deal with that despair. And by the grace of God, I knew and trusted enough to believe and give it to Him, so He could help carry me through. And He has :) The life support form our Father in Heaven is so vital. So pertinent. So true. In sharing how His love has changed and radically reshaped my life into the masterpiece He is continuing to make of it, I feel a yearning to share that same transforming love with others.

I was talking to a sweet ladyfriend of mine tonight, Miss Emmy, ma fille ;), and was telling her that it’s really my love mixed with sincere gratitude that stirs the deepest desires in my soul to see others FIND the Love, Grace, Mercy, and Joy in the Lord. Not later, but right now! :) God is dealing with me - or rather, teaching me in His kindness - how to find balance in that way because it is simply just true that some people are not at that place yet, in their journey, to receive, seek, and know for themselves, the true goodness of the Lord. And yet, as Hope is only of God, there is hope for every other life here on this planet that they WILL find God and SEE, truly, how AMAZING Jesus is - How profound Jesus’ love is. No one else’s, just Christ. The Word says, as it is true, that only Jesus was given the glory to be the atoning sacrifice for everyone that everyone might be reconciled to the Father of Heaven, and truly there is no other name in which all authority over Heaven and Earth has been given. This, thank God, is true :)

In my life, I have lived between all kinds of worlds - spiritual, emotional, physical it seems. I have lived between “I’ll try just about anything” to “Who can I trust? what exactly is true?”. And I know that in someone’s walk through life, it’s sort of this search for what else is there and yet this trepidation to really find, which comes from dispelling doubt and the wisdom of men to seek the God of the universe in His fullness, that can really influence someone taking the steps to really throw themselves into that walk with God. But I tell you, as truthfully and graciously and humbly as I can, that the walk with God is a blessed one. It is profound and FULL of such life, love, and honestly adventure that really… it truly is more than you could ever imagine entering into it. :) I remember at times, how it was for me (and I smile as I type this) as I was first trying to “find God” in Jesus Christ, and how sometimes I would just fall all over myself in confusion or this or that. But months later, and I see how far God, Himself, has brought me in that journey :) And that’s just how He is. He wants you to seek Him and find Him. He wants to love the mess out of you, really :) Haha, that’s the true meaning of that phrase, and only God can do it, literally and literally :)

One of my favorite scriptures is this: “The Lord is a sun and a shield. He will give grace and glory. What good thing would He withhold from those who love Him?” I find that the more I get to know Jesus, our Heaven Father, and the Holy Spirit, the more I see just how entirely expansive and awesmazing (according to Nessa) His love for us is. It’s truly a God love, a love that is unnatural yet so real that it cannot be denied. I pray for you, that if you read this and feel the stirring in your own spirit, to not harden your heart and deny the call. That’s Jesus knocking on the door, either to have Him meet you for the first time, or to perhaps enter into an ever deeper communion and fellowship with Him :) It’s always a choice to let Him in or not. No one can do it for you, and whether someone “convinces you to” or you just do it on your own, it is always your choice. But it is a choice worth making. And I tell you, once you get started, you better hang on :) Because as one beautiful musician once said, “Jesus, God, He’s a wild man.” I believe He is :) The wildest, most balanced spirit ever witnessed, so full of love that He gave His life, that we might find life in Him. Please come. I want you to know the love of my life <3

Bless you in His name! Praises in His honor! Love to you always, and may goodness and mercy be your gentle embrace <3

Hebrews 12:28-29 (via onethingisnecessary)

(via onethingisnecessary-deactivated)

Reflecting on the past two weeks, puts me in a sincere place of gratitude and humble acceptance of who my Lord is. I pray you are at a wonderful place in your journey as well :)

While struggling with an amazing array of emotions, seemingly uncontrollable thoughts, and just a slowly fading drive attributed both to a sense of fatigue and a sense of depression, I was frantically praying, asking the Lord what I needed to do. In my state of unrest, it was hard for me to discern what the Lord was telling me from all the other “things” going on in my head. But God is faithful - He will never leave you, nor forsake you. At a particularly uneasy moment in the journey, He directed my attention to a fellow co-worker named Wanda. Now, Wanda is an awesome lady. Haha, she works as a security guard on the island where I work @ the E.P.A., but she is SUCH a believer, and a tremendous blessing to my life. During that particularly uneasy moment, praying, asking God to help me, all I could discern in my spirit was “Wanda”. That was all I could hear. It was so clear, so concise, that I knew it was Jesus, telling me where to go. So I got up from my desk, made the trot over to the security office, and asked if I could speak with Wanda. Bless her heart, she was on rounds around the island and through the other security guard, I was able to radio her (yes, it was just that necessary) and she met me over by one of the buildings I work in. As she sat down to hear what was happening, I told her my nervous story and how God had put her on my heart to be apart of the answer. She was so sweet, calming me, and she said she was going to let me borrow Joyce Meyer’s book, The Battfield of the Mind. Then she prayed for me (to my surprise, a very short prayer :) ), and I was able to go back to work. The next day, she was totally faithful and met me as I drove onto the island to give me the book - what a blessing.

One very important lesson I learned while walking down my path with the Lord is that not every thought you have is actually your own. The Word talks about the “fiery darts” of the enemy of our soul (the soul including the mind, will, intellect-thought life) that he uses to try to harm us. What I didn’t know a long time ago, was that those “fiery darts” are actually thoughts. Thoughts of anything that causes us to lose our peace, our joy, our motivation, insight, etc. to create in us worry, fear, frustration, stress, even thoughts of suicide. He does this, seeking “whom he may devour”, but God, in His graciousness, gives us the very armour we need to fight back. The Word in Ephesians says that we are to take up “the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication…” (Ephesians 6:13-18) Now if we see how many of the pieces of armour are for self defense, with the Word of God being our only true weapon to discern and fight back in the spirit (spirit with spirit), it really impresses upon me the need to be aware and conscious of what is happening in my thought life.

The truth is, I haven’t always been on top of that. To be even more truthful, I didn’t even really try sometimes. I would get so worn down with the 1,001 thoughts in my head almost every minute of every day, that I couldn’t imagine what a mind-not-like-that would even be like. But by the grace of God, I can thankfully say that as of this week, I have truly been experiencing - though I always had it through Christ - a sound mind. If you have never thought about your thought life and wondered where some of those “non-you” thoughts were coming from, I encourage you to read about the battle for your mind.

Having a sound mind - or rather, experiencing the sound mind - is a joy and peace that everyone should want for their lives. I struggled so much with my thought life, and I needed God to intervene, and thankfully - as He is always faithful - He did :) I can now experience a greater depth of concentration, freedom from worry or concern, a greater reliance on my Heavenly Father and Christ Jesus, trusting the leadings of His Spirit, and a true sense of peace that is so incredibly comforting. I pray you will experience these same blessings :) They are available to you!

In reality, I could go on, and on, and on, about the amazing Love of Jesus. He alone is probably my most favorite person to talk about - not just person, but overall topic altogether :) Haha, fortunately, He isn’t just a “topic” but also someone you can actually get to know and have a personal relationship with. So often, we miss the discernment of how GREAT His love for us is. But as I grow, and grow, and grow all the more by His grace in Him, the more I see how overwhelmingly deep, high, far, outreaching, tremendous, heavy, total, and complete His profound care and devotion to us is. All He seeks is for the lost to find Him - He is home, and for those who are found, to be His faithful ones. To trust in Him, to get to know Him better. And He especially loves to help us prosper - not just with “things”, but in our spirits, in our souls… in every area of our lives. I’m by no means a millionaire, but the fact that I can wake up, feel refreshed, have energy flowing through me by His grace, and especially a sound mind that I can experience, all because of Christ my savior… I choose the latter any day. The “treasures” of this life, we leave behind. Moth and rust will decay it, if given enough time. But those things that are eternal, are unseen, and they will determine the riches and glory we’ll find on the other side of this living realm into the next. But the greatest gift of all, isn’t a “thing”, it’s a person. Christ Jesus is the prize we should all try our hardest to run towards. If you don’t think you have a reason to do that, just reflect on the reality of hope. Hope is only of God - it is beyond you, it helps to carry you, and it will keep you going even when all else seems lost. Except the “it”, isn’t a “it” at all. It’s God :) It’s our Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus Christ, holding us up by His Spirit, keeping us, even when we don’t see. God is truly love, and where His Spirit is, there is freedom - not freedom to do those things which are unpleasing in His sight, but the greatest freedom of all. The freedom to walk with Him and know Him, for yourself. Intimately. :)

I love you!, whoever you are. Praying blessings, peace, and most of all, salvation to you in His name <3

Today at work, my immediate mentor, Kim Nelson (formerly Kim Salinas, just married, yay!) reminded me of one of my strengths/semi-hinderances: my over-achieving self. :) It was a wonderful reminder, mainly because it was true and I hadn’t heard the phrase in a while. But also because it really helps to put in perspective where some of my challenges come from.
 
In many ways, I am very thankful to have wanted to do exceedingly well, or just to do the most that I can with a given situation, in life. I know that diligence, though not always consistent diligence to 100% of things going on (probably because I took on too many at one time), has blessed my life in terms of how God has been able and was always willing to open so many different doors in my life :) Even in how I love, I love to love you exceedingly much so that you always know, no matter what, that I do :) That’s a good thing. However, I can also go in the negative side of it where I begin to become fretful, unbalanced, and then suddenly start to shut down and appear to need more rest than what I actually do probably need. Why? because stress tires you out, wears you down, and acts like sandpaper on all parts of you that would be good, careful or -free, and effective. Then when you’re worn down and feeling raw, you’re like Whoa! How did I end up with that scar? But God is good and He knows your heart, and He works to help work all of that stuff - the bad stuff inflicted on us/the things we inflict on ourselves as well as all of the good things He wants for us that He’s able to get to us - together for our ultimate good. Oh what peace of mind it is to know my Savior.
 
When I looked at Paul’s life, at first I saw an over-achiever. Someone running around to every city, fighting evil with the help and grace of the Holy Spirit, spreading the Word and sharing the Way so that many more would be saved. I thought, whoa, I have some living-UP to do. LoL, but looking back, I now see a man who simply used his time wisely and effectively regardless the situation. Paul became a speaker, and a writer, and he wrote much of the new testament in times of imprisionment, probably during travel, etc. He just used each day he was given to do the Lord’s work and will through him, for others. It occurred to me today - thank the LORD, what a relief He is hahaha - that each and every day can and is used to help advance the kingdom of God, if that is where your heart is at. Whether it’s sharing with someone who doesn’t believe yet or just encouraging those already within the body, it is all important, all helpful, all a blessing, and God is so good. He reminded me that you don’t have to be older to be wise, though age does have its benefits :) We are all learning, all moving, all trying to help - if that’s where your heart is - advance God’s love and goodness in this world.

So essentially, on the message of satisfaction and resting in it, God has helped bring me through this harrowing process of “Oh gracious, what do I do with my life, and so forth” by helping me to see that regardless of where I’m going, I’m so thankful and satisfied with where I’m at that I just don’t even need to worry about it right now :) I love where I work - working for the Environmental Protection Agency in their labs, I love the people I work with, I love the church I go to here, I adore my little work-in-progress apartment, I enjoy being closer to home than I have been in the past 4-5 years, I love the opportunities I have here to volunteer and just the hope I have for things to come. I am so thankful and grateful in this life that I have, for what it is, which is so much more than I ever thought, dreamed or imagined it would be, and I am SO GRATEFUL for God’s blessings and favor in my life. And having chosen that good thing, which is Him, I know that He won’t be taken away from me and that no matter what, I’m covered by His grace and love, and His Spirit is guiding me more than I could ever imagine :) It’s in that realization of resting in satisfaction of where I am now that I find the peace to continue and to try to do as much as I can to enjoy and appreciate where I am now, in the now, to the extent that I can without wearing myself out to the point of not being useful, effective, or productive :) Jesus will answer your prayers. Ask Him and see :) And too - praise the LORD for beautiful friends and family, family and friends, who support, love and care for me, even in times of feeling absolutely not myself :)

I hope if you’re at a place in life where you’re feeling fretful that you know that there is a love stronger than any disaster or poor-life planning that we may do on our part that is actually guiding you and wanting to guide you even more with a greater love and intimacy than perhaps you’ve ever known before :) I hope that if you know Christ, you’ll embrace the loving hand He has on your life, and if you don’t, I pray you will welcome Him and accept His help, favor, and love - for He already loves you, wants good things for you, and hopes you will accept all of His benefits that come from just knowing who He is. We all grow, we all learn, we all have a long way to go :) But through thick and thin, His love remains, and cares for the seeds we sow. So in those times of feeling lost, and perhaps a little blue, just know that Jesus Christ is still on high, always loving you <3 (yes, I rhyme when I’m happy :D)

Even when everything is going wrong, God is always in the process of making things right. Sometimes when I remember things from my past, things that hurt me to think about, things that make me feel uncertain about where I’m going or even where I’m at currently, I always remember that even when I don’t know what’s going on (which can be frustrating), God knows the plans He has for me. He knows where my heart is, what will be good for it, and what I should do in terms of the future. I really have to wait on Him now because I can’t “think” my way out of the place I’m in. Fortunately though, I know that He is always faithful, and always true.

I hope wherever you are in life, you’re at a joyful stage of your journey :) Bless you in His name <3

The Lord gave me a vision the other day around 5:30am or so as I was lying in bed. I was revealing in the quietness. In the early mornings when the world seems like it’s still sleeping. I could think, hear, listen, rest… it was so peaceful. This is what was shared with me, as I would now love to share it with you who read it :) Blessings in His name: (from my personal journal)

“…God I believe has had to tear through [fears within fears in my life from before] like layers of wallpaper on my heart, to get through to the original creation and thus purpose for [me - which I am still waiting on to be revealed in me by His Spirit :)]. He didn’t blame me for trying to cover over all of my hurts, fears, confusions, let downs… but I realize by covering them, I was only allowing them to remain, where He would not be able to wash them away with His cleansing blood and His [amazing] love. (2 Corin 3:16-17) He wants to be the Master Artist of my life and of my heart (Hebrews 12:2). He wants to display me in His own showroom, yet I, the canvas, must yield to the One who wishes to paint me and what better Master Artist than the One who took the time to make me - frame my edges, [sewed together my original canvas, and] stretched out the cloth of my life before Him, making sure I would be ready. Lol, and though I may have fallen out of [the window in His studio], landed in a dumpster, ended up in a landfill, found by a wandering vagabond of an artist, hand unseemly things portrayed on me [that soaked into] the very fabric my Master Painter had used to form and create me with…. though I was displayed amongst those who perhaps did not have my best interest at hand by the one who cared little for the uniqueness of the farbric within me. And though finally one day I was throw away, discarded with holes and shreds and tatters, in great pain wondering how again could I have ended up in this very same dumpster…. The Master Painter had always been following me. Had always been watching. Had even appeared in the midst of those ghastly galleries and lovingly ran His precious fingers across me, across the very fabric He had spent time, energy, love, patience - the greatest dilligence sewing together, though now so covered that I could barely see until one day I wondered if He had ever even existed at all… He still found me in that dumpster, tattered, broken, in disrepair and He took me back into His studio to completely remake me.

He completely ripped out the old fabric leaving the frame - but cleaning the frame and refurbishing it to His enjoyment, and He completely re-knitted me an entirely new canvas, as nothing from the old one could or should or need to have been used anymore for His new purposes. And He put me back together again and sat me firmly on His easel. And though I sometimes feel like I’m about to fall when the breeze comes through the window, He always stretches forth His hand to stabilize and sturdy me. (1 Corin 15:10, 1 Peter 5:10) To make sure that I know I’m safe… and as I focus on Him, I rest safely in trusting what He has started painting on me. And as He continues this beautiful work, He has started in me, I realize through the varying expressions on His face, how much care He is exercising on me, and I come to see He is not just painting a painting to paint, but He is creating a master peice somewhere along the lines of Mona Lisa’s smile (;) ), but a completely different kind of image and tapestry… This He does, is a labor of love so dear to Him because He knows that one day, He will present me to His Father, and I will be displayed in Heavenly places, to which the Father will say, “well done”. I am so moved by this truth that it inspires me to be still so that His work on me can be accomplished with greater ease and cmofort for us both. That as I wait patiently on Him to choose where the next stroke goes, I see how little I have to do and rather How Much More He does.

Fear has been cast away, and has been replaced with perfect appreciation and love for what the master painter is doing here in my life, on my canvas. Though I won’t be perfectly finished until He thinks I’m ready to be brought home to His father, I will wait patiently for Him, as He has become my only hope - true and confirmed as the soft bristles from His brush tickle me pink! (Philippians 1:6) And perhaps in those days when I seem - or rather feel a little gloomy, perhaps remembering the scars of my old canvas, I will think, know, and remember that He ripped that out and threw it away. That the old one is gone now and I am becoming an entirely new creation in His hands. It gives me the greatest joy, the fullness thereof to which I don’t know where the beginning or end is, just being in His presence, which is always. For He truly never leaves me nor forsakes me, even if I can’t see Him right then (He may be mixing colors together :) [Romans 8:28]). And one day, I will see myself as I really am, and I know that any work of His Hand is Beautiful <3”

:)

This really is the story of my life - and that of every believer. You may be at varying places in the story - we all are at different places in our journey, but you can find your reflection here as a work of art in His eyes. The Master Painter is Jesus, His Father is our Heavenly Father, and the Very Brush is His Precious Holy Spirit, apart from which He does nothing. The frame here is our physical body, but the canvas which is remade is our spirit. The vision and allegory are entirely enlaid with scriptural truths, as this was Spirit and thus Word based inspired, but Psalm 37, which speaks so strongly to God’s character and love for us, (really all the Psalms), is very much apart of this. I believe it would bless you to read and meditate on :)

As always, with love, bless you in His name! <3 

The other day, the Lord brought to my remembrance the quote from one of my favorite movies, The Fountain, about how Izzy’s husband told her she had been pulling him through time. Well I thought of that then and was like, “Yeah. God has truly been pulling me through time.”

I have a friend right now who is going through a Dark Night in the Soul, and it’s a difficult thing to go through because you just feel so far away from God :( But you know, that’s so the Holy Spirit can work a perfecting work in you as Jesus makes you strong, firm, and steadfast. It’s so that our faith isn’t based on anything we see, but on trusting in the Lord. It’s for the perfecting not only of the faith in our heart that grows, but the fruition of it in our understanding, so that we may recognize that faith is not a feeling, or based on what you see around you, or even on what you receive from God. Faith is the evidence of things not seen, the substance of things hoped for. It is the bridge between our weaknesses and God’s strength, between soul and spirit, between the very fabric of our physical form - between this world and the spirit world around us. Faith is our bridge to God’s grace, love, and Holy protection. Praise Jesus.

But as I was talking to him, and encouraging him, The Holy Spirit shared through my spirit this very truth:

All we have to do is try. God sees our efforts and He will reward them. But we have to do what we can, day by day, to meet Him as well - knowing that He meets us where we’re at no matter what. Because the truth is, He’s not just walking with us in time, but He’s also trying to pull us through time to Him :) and Every step of faith we take determines how fast or slow you run your race :) But regardless, if you believe, you will get there, if you just keep taking it one step at a time until your legs get strong enough to run :)

Hahaha, as I meditate on that, and dwell on that truth, joy, and love, I’m reminded of the scene in Jurassic Park (haha I used to be a huge movie person, I retain visuals very well) of the female palentologist running away from the raptors? LOL and you know she runs out even though the flash light is trailing behind her, she runs out and shuts the door and closes it behind her, and is crying but alive. And then when she sees the dude (haha sorry, I guess I’m not too big on every movie character’s name :D) who has been with the two kids walking, she says to herself “RUN” and she WILLS herself to do it and RUNS to him and collapses in His arms :) Yeah. That’s what this race is all about. That’s what this faith walk is like :) And you know what, I’m running yo. I’m building up my leg muscles in the Lord, in the Word, through His BLESSED and POWERFUL Holy Spirit, RUNNING to the Ancient of Days so that one day…. I’ll be able to give Him a BIIIIG Hug :D hahaha can’t wait.

Don’t know Christ yet? What are you waiting for? Now is the time yo. Get Him! He wants you and waits on you with open arms :) DO NOT deny the call. He’s so real. Taste and see - break free. Because where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. God bless you :D as surely He does. Love you!!!

Check out Shawn McDonald’s song “Eyes Forward” :) <3

Just a few facts:

• Currently, I’m really loving Shawn McDonald’s CD “Closer” - it’s beautiful! Very thoughtful, and thought-provoking, and just melodious to a T!
• I started studying officially for my MCATs today :) The Lord’s grace is truly sufficient for me - Bless Him, I give thanks.
• I love blogging, but oh man! I have so many other things going all at once sometimes :) I really have to sit myself down ;)

This morning was a beautiful display of a day the Lord had made being just that - beautiful! I woke up, read, rested, jammed out, skyped my dad, wrote a blog, ate breakfast, journaled like craazzyy, showered, and then finally off to work for the day! But truly, it was a great day - though it was busy.

I’m not sure how many people have seen Darron Aronovsky’s “The Fountain”, but it’s one of my favorite movies. Towards the end, Hugh Jackman is speaking to Rachel Weiss (her character’s name is Isabelle, but she’s nick-named Izzy. I named my koi tattoo Izzy, after her character :) ), and he tells her she has “pulled him through time”. It’s a tremendous love story, but as I reflected on it this morning, I understood that that is how I feel about the Lord and how He has literally carried me, and continues to guide me, take me, bring me, LOVE ME, through time. He loves you through time as well :) All you have is because He wanted you to have it - every good and perfect gift comes from Him. He is life, and  life more abundantly.

I wonder, if you’re reading this, and perhaps do not have a relationship with the Lord - or perhaps you (sadly) don’t believe God is really there (for you, or anyone else…) at all, I wonder if you ever wonder … what if? :) I hope you will ask, wonder, question. Because Jesus is knocking on the door of your heart, just wanting to come in, live with you, and dine with you. He will fill you! with a goodness, love, life, joy.. that you have never known before.

God bless you, truly :) He has, I’m sure. Love!!

It’s been a little while since I last blogged, and I admit, I’ve had some hesitation as to what to say next! LoL, but as I was graciously reminded today, the simplest thing to do is usually the best thing to do. So! I’m just going to simply recap what’s been up this past week :)

I feel like so much has happened, but it’s all been incredibly blessed, and I’m so thankful. LoL reflecting on the last few “new” pictures I was tagged in on Facebook,I am reminded of what a wonderful weekend my friend Alesia Davidson and I had. She came down from Auburn to visit me in Pensacola from Friday evening to Monday morning, and truly it was a great time. :) We ate french toast deliciousness, fresh berries, yummy crab cakes, turkeyveggieburgers, and other healthy meals. Saturday, we woke up, lol watched Across the Universe, headed down to where I work for a tour of the island (yes, I work on a man made island. it’s beautiful :) ), met up with my co-worker Ethan, who’s great btw, and we all went to the beach with fishing gear, badmitton equipment, towels, coolers, and snorkling things haha. We pretty much spent the day there. THEN! afterwards, we all headed back to my apartment (after showers of course lol) for the crab cake extravaganza, with a black bean succotash, a delicious multi-grain french loaf from Publix (no doubt), and a yummy fresh side salad. Praise God for His goodness when He made food. Yum :) These are blessings.

Then Sunday, we got up together, had a quick breakfast and headed to church! It was a blessing for us both, and it was a dual blessing for me (which I’ll come back to a little later). It was a very loving environment, and we both left feeling happy we came. Then we headed back down towards the beaches and I took her by a restuarant called Hemingway’s just off the Pensacola Beach strip. If you know me, you have to know I prefer eating out only on few occassions, or if we’re just meeting up for the day. Otherwise, If I can cook, that’s what I wanna do. Also, who has money to pay these silly prices for food I could cook with less grease and more fresh yummy goodness? But anyway, not to complain, we went and roasted outside on the patio there haha (or at least I did), but finally ended up at the beach where I passed out for the first time ever on a beach. LoL don’t get me wrong. I’ve closed my eyes on the beach before, but never before have I literally SLEPT on the beach LoL! The water was beautiful though.

We ended our Sunday night with the turkeyveggieburgers I mentioned, a nice sit on the patio :), and finally an end game of badmitton! Secretly, we’re training for the badmitton olympics. I’ll keep you posted. ;) but anyways, it was just so much fun - hahaha not to mention, we did try to play badmitton in the ocean/on the beach. Wind & having to tread water to hit the birdie=not successful, but hillarious and tiring.

So as you can see, great time :) But what really blessed me, was just that she and I got to spend quality time together, enjoying each other’s company, and we also got to fellowship together and talk about the Lord. It had been my heart’s desire to encourage her in her walk with the Lord, just knowing how amazingly beautiful and necessary it is for the life that you really want to lead. I was blessed to at least have had the chance to share that with her. I hope she was blessed as well :)

Otherwise, this week has been amazing - but of course filled with its ups and downs :) Work in and of itself has been great, but Tuesday (or was it Weds?), we ran into some snags with some of our experimental findings. In a nutshell, we’re experimenting with different media that we can use to embed tissue in before we section/cut it - but an embedding media that won’t interfere with the mass spec’s readings of the tissue’s protein content. However, we have to basically freeze everything immediately (or the proteins in the tissues degrade), and we were using liquid nitrogen, which was, unbeknown to us at the time, too cold. Thus our samples were cracking when the tissue was embedded in it and both were frozen - thus they weren’t working. SO, we switched over to dry ice/ethanol and things are much better :) I’ll be excited to see how all of this turns out. [lol I also apologize if that didn’t make very much sense. just take me at my word :) ] But basically, work is great, and always changing. Everyday, something interesting and unexpected presents itself. I am sooo, so thankful God has this picked out for me. His blessings are far more than we could have ever asked for, dreamed of, or imagined. Even though I knew I wanted to work here, I know He led me to applying, I know He opened the doors, blessed me in finding housing, and has been leading me in how to be the best employee/little worker bee/tree hugger I can be! It’s a pleasure to serve our Lord and work for the EPA :)

In terms of other wonderful events this week [coming back to the dual promise], I was encouraged to attend the same church’s midweek service this Weds to see if I’d want to start attending regularly. While I have always been hopeful and prayerful, I had to fight off thoughts that God may not have had a divine plan for where He wanted me to start attending church. The thought brought me down a bit on Tuesday. I was just reading today in a book by Dr. Robert Frost, Aglow with the Spirit, that we always sink in spirit before we sink outwardly. So I had to push those thoughts away! And sure enough, Weds night at their midweek service was AHmazing. They welcomed me, one memeber named Rhonda invited me to come sit by her since I was by myself, the message was Word based and I could sense that I was going to be able to grow there, and at the end, people were so kind to lay hands on me to pray for me, I met many of them, and had a beautiful talk with Rhonda at the end. She also told me she was going to introduce me to the Sunday school service for the College and Career equivalent at their church :D I was hoping for that, had JUST been talking about how much I wanted that type of fellowhsip again :) He is sooo faithful. Especially when we’re seeking something in accordance with His will. How amazing is He!!

LoL you know. I wonder sometimes how people who have known me for a while must feel when they see how much I’ve changed in such a short time in my relationship with the Lord, but how having a relationship with Him has only made it possible for me to be more myself - and especially more loving, open, and kind. God is there. He is so real it amazes me. LoL and He is faithful and He will reveal Himself to you, if you ask Him to. He wants to! There is such a grace knowing for sure that you have a relationship with Him.

I think a lot of people get stuck on several things. You name it, there’s been something said by someone that would perhaps make you wonder, well why would I want to have a relationship with Christ? Recently, someone said to me that they didn’t want to be in a relationship with “a god” who condemned people to hell for not believing in Him. As I think on that now, I have to say I think that person is a little ahead of themselves lol. Because first, when you see what it really means to have a relationship with Christ, you recognize and find something that is better that anything else you could ever experience in this life without Him. The best advice I eveerrr received was “You need to fall in love with Jesus.” At the time, I didn’t know how to do that or even what it really meant, but I knew I had to do it somehow. And Jesus never let me down. I simply started by doing what I knew to do: I went to church, surrounded myself with those who already had a relationship with Him for both encouragement, guidance, and support, and I read His Word. I read it everyday, as much as I could. And after about 4 or 5 months, today, I finally finished reading the entire Bible :) Malachi, btw, the last prophetic book before the New Testament is a treasure in and of itself. The experience blessed me beyond my WILDEST imagination. and finally, I knew what it meant to fall in love with Jesus.

The walk isn’t always easy. You come up against things like doubt, fear, and just a sheer lack of feeling like you know what to do. But when you do any or all of those things, you have to learn how to listen to the Word and trust in it and lean on it, despite of what might be going on around you or inside of you. And always give everything to the Lord in prayer. He is faithful to hear you, answer you, and get you on the right track of your heart is earnestly and sincerely seeking Him. It’s an amazing journey, one you cannot and will not regret or feel sorry that you went on, if you really take it. What that person was missing in his or her thought about Hell and worshiping God is that when you have a relationship with Christ, you will love to worship Him, to talk to Him, to praise Him, and to follow Him because you will have realized all He’s done for you, how much He loves you, and who He is to you as your Lord and Savior, even from hell.

Hahaha one of the first things Rhonda said to me after we talked a moment or two about God’s goodness was, “They just don’t understand.” And it’s true. I remember after even having a faint inkling of what it meant to have a relationship with Christ that I realized that people just don’t understand what it means! There is just a true lack of understanding until you decide to seek and find for yourself. The Lord said knock and the door shall be opened, seek and you will find. Not that you might find, or that perhaps the door might be a little cracked if you come knocking - but that if you step out on faith, you are going to find Him because He’s always been waiting for you :) Lovingly, hoping you would come home. God is home. <3

My spirit feels very strongly about the truths of feeding your spirit. Just as you can feed your body junk food constantly, and eventually end up getting sick or worse, if you don’t feed your spirit the right things - and the only right things can be found in Christ because He is righteous, as is His Father, Our Father in Heaven, and their Holy Spirit - it too will wither, become emaciated, lash out, act impulsively, get itself into other situations, or, even worse, convince itself that it’s not actually hungry after all. Or that perhaps junk food is the way to go. But, that’s not enough. And one day, as our bodies deteriorate and pass away, our spirits too go on to either go be with the Lord or not. It’s always been about choices, but God is a Father and a Friend and always blesses the choice to follow Him with all of your heart, mind, body and strength. He will supply the rest. God supplies the increase.

I was thinking the other day that our generation is a very interesting one, and sadly I feel that those younger ones coming after us aren’t being exposed to much more either. I once had a sweet dear friend tell me that every generation probably feels like the world is crazy and out of wack and that their situation is far worse off than the last. But honestly, I have to say that just in knowing how all this is supposed to go, we’re not progressing towards better-dom (has anyone looked at the news lately? I haven’t, I don’t have TV, thank goodness. But I still know stuff is crazy). The world, sadly, grows darker, and there are sooo many distractions in the world, trying to pull us away fom those things that are holy, are sacred, are loving, are just plain good for us. I mean I’ve been there, I’ve done that. I’ve thought of doing things, and I am no different than any other person who was once lost but has now been found. But, there is a light in the world, and all things created are His :) I’m certainly NOT saying there isn’t goodness in the world, but true goodness is found in Him :) Not saying that there aren’t nice unsaved people either lol. But you’re not complete yet without Him. When you experience His love and find Him, you will be so graced by the beauty of His presence in your life as you yield to His spirit. Ultimately, that does mean that you have to leave some things behind. Relationships you shouldn’t be in (and you’ve probably already felt the tug, but are still just holding on for dear life anyway), habits you probably should have avoided (some of which you have tried quitting but had troubles with, or some you just don’t want to acknowledge aren’t right to begin with), fears and doubts (because to walk this walk, you have to walk by faith and not by sight, though God will reveal His goodness and mercy to you in the land of the living), and that wily sense of self determination and pride that so often besets us, making us think we know it all, when we really just don’t :). I had to let go of things, things I didn’t know if I knew how to rationalize to myself or others for letting them go other than that I knew God wouldn’t want me doing or thinking on them. But that was enough. And He has replaced any and all of those things with so much more…. you won’t even miss them if you give them to the Lord and let Him replace them with His goodness. God can make anything new, and He is faithful to continue the good work He begins in you. But it’s a cooperative process, and certainly a process above all things. He’s still working on me! But I thank Him for that :)

Overall, I see my generation in a lot of bondage. drug and alcohol abuse. inappropriate sexual relationships on all kinds of levels. violence. self abuse. depression. you name it, it’s there. And I’ve walked through many of those things myself. but walking out of them and into the arms of the Lord was THE only “best” thing I’ve ever done. Everything else that is good in my life comes second to that one decision. It’s the only one that will ultimately matter, though surely the rest of our lives matters as well :) And you know, I don’t share these things to try to belabor or judge or make anyone feel left out in some way. None of that is something I would want to do, or mine to do at all. The Holy Spirit convicts our hearts and moves us into humble submission when we are ready to accept and receive. But I share these things because they are my testimony, and as a witness for the One I love who loves me, and everyone else, it is my great desire that many more would come to know His goodness as I have. There is always an abundance in Christ. You will never be left alone or without in Him. He will sustain you because His strength is made perfect in our weakness :)

So anyway, basically, find life. Because Jesus said He was the way, the truth, and the life everlasting :) I love you all, and blessings as always! <3

Alesia, my dear sweet friend, is still asleep in the other room, since she’s down for a visit! But the Word of the Lord began moving in my spirit this morning around and this is what came forth in my journal:

Buddhists seek to look inward at “self”. Muslims don’t believe Jesus was actually crucified or rose from the dead. The Baha’i have “prayers of obligation”, and traditional Native American belief involves worship of the spirits in what the Lord called “the starry hosts”. The list goes on and on of who and what people chose to place their faith in.

But all people are beautiful and worthy to be loved, though we don’t always do beautiful or loving things. Though we aren’t always beautiful based on what’s in our hearts or find ourselves easy to love based on how we act towards ourselves or others.

Jesus said His message was easy and His burden, light. He asked us to stop focusing so much on “self” - on our selfish needs, on our own sense of self-determination, on our abilities, and so forth - to yield, humbly, our hearts to God so that we might stand and walk in His righteousness and sight. So that He could begin to guide us in the paths of righteousness for His namessake.

He asks us, but does not force us, to pray so that we might know Him more and better; so that we may ask Him for our “daily bread” so that He might supply our needs according to His riches and glory; so that we can place all of our cares, anxieties, dreams and hardships at His feet because He does not want us to live in fear, bondage, or guilt, when we can have joy, peace, and forgiveness in His name.

He tells us we can put our trust in Him, and not to depend (as in idolize) on what we can see around us for our spiritual and physical needs. He tells us to walk by faith and not by sight, not by things we can see and feel like the stars in the heavens or the warmth of the sun, but by faith in the Creator of Heaven and Earth. The Beginning and the End. The Great I AM, who is mighty to save and always asking us to come home.

The story of the prodigal son in the Word, that of the one lost sheep out of 100, of the city of Ninevah in Jonah’s time, and so many more, represent perfectly God’s calling us to leave our past ways behind, to repent for things past done, and to come home to Him. In the story of the prodigal son, the youngest son leaves his father’s house with riches and possessions, obviously unprepared and unknowing of what laid ahead of him, only to come back in shambles and poverty. [It is beautifully written in Luke Ch15] The father, seeing his son from a long ways off, ran to him and embraced him with an overwhelming love. The son tells his father he has sinned and lived wrongly both against him and the sight of Heaven, and asks his earthly father to simply allow him to live and be treated as a servant, not even as a son, in his father’s house. But the father replied, overwhelmed with love for his son - a love that had always been there - and brought him to his feet, forgave him, kissed him, and restored him to his former honor, as they celebrated his return. All because the father first loved the son, and the son was willing to humble himself and to come home, say he was wrong and sorry, thus receiving the full extent of his father’s riches in love.

Jesus said, “if you who are still wrong at heart, know how to care well for your children and shower affection on them, how much more will your Father in Heaven to those who come home, who choose to be ‘the called’ according to His purpose?” Such is the love of God for all His creation, to all of His people. We all, every one, fall into at least one, if not both of those categories.

Some of the Jews at the time of Pilate - Jewish people who had had an intimate connection with the God of old, Jesus’s Father in Heaven - also doubted Christ, and subsequently his ressurection, so much so that they went as far as to try to tell a similar story to the one in the Koran: that Jesus had not surely risen. They even paid the guards to go tell individuals that the disciples had stolen his body in the night (though wouldn’t that have looked terrible on them, since they were supposed to have been guarding it). But I once heard a pastor say [as I paraphrase], “It could only have been the blood and ressurection of Jesus Christ that once again allowed man direct access to the Father. Only the blood of Christ, not of animals, not of fictional gods, not false prophets - no one, except Jesus, and His sacrifice could restore us from death to life again.” These words rang so true for me, as we understand that we base our salvation not on works (because it doesn’t matter how good you are) or on the thoughts of men (because it’s not enough to just like the “idea of God” or to be “spiritual”), but on what Jesus did for us in dying on the cross; so that He would be raised up and seated on the right hand of the Father, to be able to interceed for us in Heaven and on earth. Peter said, “We [as in the disciples] are not just making this up. We have seen and touched the hands of Jesus. We saw His glory on the Mount of Transfiguration [for reference, read Luke 9:28-36], and we know that He was faithful to send His Holy Spirit back to us.” When we accept that the Word of God is true, God-inspired, we find a love letter written to us, that we might know and find the Lord’s will, purposes, and promises to and for our lives.

When we take the step to believe in our hearts and confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord, that is only the beginning of an amazing walk with Him. Just as in life where we grow and (can) mature, we also grow and (can) mature in Christ. Not all of us do, for whatever reason, and many stay “baby Christians” for most of their lives. That sometimes is where non-believers find confusion, when someone who does believe does not seem to understand or exemplify the very truths they base their faith in. But that is why it is so important to read the Word in a translation that speaks to you and that you can understand; to go to a good church where there is love, honest leadership, and where the Word of God is preached as the center, focus and foundation of teaching; and also to fellowship with other believers, especially those who are more mature in their faith than you may be and have walked with God for a longer time. We aren’t to imitate other believers, for we are each created as individuals and need not to compete or forget our individual purpose, but the wise grow wiser when they listen and hear instruction, and the opposite of wise is one who does not seek guidance or heed the message of those who are wise. Whom the Lord loves, He corrects.

So no matter where you are in your faith or walk, from non-believer all the way to much more mature in your faith, remember God’s promises and wait on Him. Try His truths before any others you may have heard. And always, always be prayerful and mindful of His presence through His Holy Spirit. Try not to get too discouraged if you miss it, but always lay your anxieties at His feet in prayer. And surround yourself with His word, be it through song or consistent study of the Word, and those who know Him - not at the exclusion of other people who may not, but hopefully to be sharpened, as iron sharpens iron, by those who are seeking Him just as much, if not more, as you are :)

As always, be blessed, and know that if God has been knocking on the door of your heart - whether you are unsaved or saved and perhaps need to get some priorities in order - no matter for how long, if you open it, He will be faithful to walk in, stay, and dine with you as friends. He will love you all your life - in truth, He already has. <3